Now she's thumping to a disco beat
out of control to the pumping lights
She used to moan and whisper
there was never any stopping her then
She still crys and scream but
with a bigger backup band
I want to catch her train
to throw off all the binders
and release the voice inside of me
crawling as powerful as the beast
out loud off the lines out of the ink
up above the white page I float
away from the closing books
She's often misunderstood but that
never kept her down before
Oh how I want the honesty of
a simple upright and her wailing
even then it was never simple much
even then she told riddles and mysteries
I can't stop her from running and
I want to run along side of her
my fingers aren't lying to anyone
they've done what they've done
and they don't ask for forgiveness
and what's more they will do it again
I want to use the boy as much he protests
does that make me evil
does that make me a bad girl
I want no one above me and no one below
I just want freedom and free access
I want lots of love and
quiet
I want her urgency ripped open
I don't care if she speaks about sex or
money or power or the grocery boy
she says everything inside of the little words
the big ones say even more
I am not infatuated
I just want it for myself
It's still sticky and it didn't feel that good
but I won't stop now
I want the minutes in between
sleep and awake to fuck hard and soft
I feel so little without an outside
body telling me what I do not know
Tell me many things tell me more
Speak to my toes and my nipples
and my tongue my mind is listening
(and I thought I had to stop there)
Will I sweat like they promised
my fingers already are
I love it when she sounds like
a seductive queen quick-talker
I project to you my secrets I've lied
I feel all of the same things
(this is such an acceptable way of telling you)
I can't imagine what losing her was like
I can't imagine your pain then
So you turn it into piano keys
strike them hard-harder for decibel strength
and you scream and you moan
and whisper and fuck the music
your constant faithful lover
I've been coveting it for years
I want to take him in my arms
the gentle way you pretend not to do
my body underneath the lights
as the sounds are too loud for them
it hurts my feet not to move
do I blame you for the disco beat
are you through with me
and my upright dream
will I wail and scream and moan
like you someday...
5-21-98
