mother, father,
sister, brother.
anger, frustration, lies!
hurt, pain, walls,-
separation.
broken, torn, ripped in two.
sides. choices, places to be.
father gone away.
mother all alone.
brother turn to hate.
sister turns to men.
"who will be my father?"
"who will take his place?"
drugs, sex,
friends, power.
structure...
shatter, grind, friction again!
pressure, push and pull!
something gives away...
nothingness, sorrow,
strangers, faceless shadows.
silence.
dead families are good families.
12-12-91
The Stars
Hands reaching,
stretching,
straining,
aching,
almost to the sky.
Eyes looking,
searching,
widening,
watering,
not sure what to find.
Hearts wishing,
dreaming,
wanting,
hurting,
only to be denied.
12-3-91
stretching,
straining,
aching,
almost to the sky.
Eyes looking,
searching,
widening,
watering,
not sure what to find.
Hearts wishing,
dreaming,
wanting,
hurting,
only to be denied.
12-3-91
Room of Secrets
Lock the door
Play secret games
No one has to know
Turn off the light
Lay down beside me
Kill my pride
Laughing at the thought
Of anyone suspecting
That's okay
Because they won't
I trusted you
I could do nothing more
I believed you
Though we did not say words
Only our bodies spoke
It burns
The feeling you left inside me
So cold and dead
My heart is numb
It never happened
I believe
You made me
It was our only choice
No one else knows you
No one sees through
But I do
Behind closed doors
In the dark we lay
Shutting out the light
It never shines here
Never casts its revealing rays
Upon the bed of lies
Never tells the tale
Of twisted passion gone bad
Was it my choice?
Or did you make it for me?
11-?-91
Play secret games
No one has to know
Turn off the light
Lay down beside me
Kill my pride
Laughing at the thought
Of anyone suspecting
That's okay
Because they won't
I trusted you
I could do nothing more
I believed you
Though we did not say words
Only our bodies spoke
It burns
The feeling you left inside me
So cold and dead
My heart is numb
It never happened
I believe
You made me
It was our only choice
No one else knows you
No one sees through
But I do
Behind closed doors
In the dark we lay
Shutting out the light
It never shines here
Never casts its revealing rays
Upon the bed of lies
Never tells the tale
Of twisted passion gone bad
Was it my choice?
Or did you make it for me?
11-?-91
Ashley
I promised you forever,
but I don't have time today.
Can you see right through me
or are you looking the wrong way?
I will always love you
no matter what you do-
I can't ever show it.
I do nothing...
How stupid can I get,
making promises I'll never keep,
making vows, and saying words-
waste of time...
Cry out for someone nearby-
I'll be there;
love me or I'll die!
Yeah, right.
Spread it thin
on the wide open range,
on tears and pain.
Love? yeah, right.
11-?-91
but I don't have time today.
Can you see right through me
or are you looking the wrong way?
I will always love you
no matter what you do-
I can't ever show it.
I do nothing...
How stupid can I get,
making promises I'll never keep,
making vows, and saying words-
waste of time...
Cry out for someone nearby-
I'll be there;
love me or I'll die!
Yeah, right.
Spread it thin
on the wide open range,
on tears and pain.
Love? yeah, right.
11-?-91
Heartbeat
Pulsing, throbbing, pounding,
The sound of this love
Purity, innocence, and truth
The essence of this love
Wanting to know you
Wanting to be near you
Longing to please you
In everything I do
To always be beside you
To always see you smile
You love me
What more could I desire
10-27-91
The sound of this love
Purity, innocence, and truth
The essence of this love
Wanting to know you
Wanting to be near you
Longing to please you
In everything I do
To always be beside you
To always see you smile
You love me
What more could I desire
10-27-91
Moon Song
My great pearl-white
sphere in the sky.
Slipping in and out
of the grey sea above,
Swimming in an ocean of tears,
you are complete
in my eyes tonight.
I try to escape you,
running on and on,
but even forever
is within your reach.
Tonight as you rise,
I am falling,
sinking down to the depth
of the pit of loneliness.
For your memory
brings joy, sorrow,
laughter and pain.
I paid the price
of loving you
through another's eyes.
The one who introduced me
to the sun and the stars
gave you to me
as a love offering.
Long since forgotten,
he closed his eyes forever.
Even my pleading tears
will not bring my love back to me.
Oh, Moon, my sorrow friend,
can I ever love again?
10-24-91
sphere in the sky.
Slipping in and out
of the grey sea above,
Swimming in an ocean of tears,
you are complete
in my eyes tonight.
I try to escape you,
running on and on,
but even forever
is within your reach.
Tonight as you rise,
I am falling,
sinking down to the depth
of the pit of loneliness.
For your memory
brings joy, sorrow,
laughter and pain.
I paid the price
of loving you
through another's eyes.
The one who introduced me
to the sun and the stars
gave you to me
as a love offering.
Long since forgotten,
he closed his eyes forever.
Even my pleading tears
will not bring my love back to me.
Oh, Moon, my sorrow friend,
can I ever love again?
10-24-91
Affected
For a moment
You were with me
And I heard you
Your heart was open
Weak and hurting
For a moment
I let you know
I loved you
And still do
In the instant
I held you
I saw into your soul
You cried, "Sorrow"
Your voice shook
Your eyes downcast
Wishing to be free
My sister, I care
Though I never showed it
I love you more
Than you can ever understand
My tears are for you now
My compassion
Affected in your pain
I used to cry
Because of you
Now, I only cry for you
For a moment
That has passed
I'll always remember it
In the depth of my soul
9-21-91
You were with me
And I heard you
Your heart was open
Weak and hurting
For a moment
I let you know
I loved you
And still do
In the instant
I held you
I saw into your soul
You cried, "Sorrow"
Your voice shook
Your eyes downcast
Wishing to be free
My sister, I care
Though I never showed it
I love you more
Than you can ever understand
My tears are for you now
My compassion
Affected in your pain
I used to cry
Because of you
Now, I only cry for you
For a moment
That has passed
I'll always remember it
In the depth of my soul
9-21-91
The Beach
Words in the sand
Pictures of a holiday
Is this going to stay?
Or are my feelings just feelings?
The silver-green sea
Crashing on sandy white shores
I feel like I can float
Or fall into nothingness
Nature's music in perfect key
Bewitching my helpless soul
I'm not charismatic, you see
But I do believe in miracles
Especially late Sunday nights
8-19-91
Pictures of a holiday
Is this going to stay?
Or are my feelings just feelings?
The silver-green sea
Crashing on sandy white shores
I feel like I can float
Or fall into nothingness
Nature's music in perfect key
Bewitching my helpless soul
I'm not charismatic, you see
But I do believe in miracles
Especially late Sunday nights
8-19-91
Come And Go
Don’t touch me
It’s just not fair
You can come and go
Without any regrets
I stand alone
Feeling only cold
My heart’s not a toy
To pick up and play with
Go away from me now
I don’t need your sympathy
Don’t feel me
It’s not your place
To give me affection
The warmth I need
And a smile
Your devotions die
When my hopes rise
It’s just not fair
You can cut all the strings
You can walk out the door
And never feel a thing.
6-14-91
It’s just not fair
You can come and go
Without any regrets
I stand alone
Feeling only cold
My heart’s not a toy
To pick up and play with
Go away from me now
I don’t need your sympathy
Don’t feel me
It’s not your place
To give me affection
The warmth I need
And a smile
Your devotions die
When my hopes rise
It’s just not fair
You can cut all the strings
You can walk out the door
And never feel a thing.
6-14-91
Basket
spider on the floor
please, make it end
crawling slowly
onto the basket
it is empty now
used to be filled
up to the top
not anymore
you took them all
every last one
not one single left
for me to keep
slowly up the side
inch by inch
it's almost there
you were so cruel
it's on the edge
will it fall in
down to the bottom
so long to wait
oh, there it goes
or maybe not yet
it doesn't matter
long since gone
4-23-91
please, make it end
crawling slowly
onto the basket
it is empty now
used to be filled
up to the top
not anymore
you took them all
every last one
not one single left
for me to keep
slowly up the side
inch by inch
it's almost there
you were so cruel
it's on the edge
will it fall in
down to the bottom
so long to wait
oh, there it goes
or maybe not yet
it doesn't matter
long since gone
4-23-91
We All Love Lucy
aching stops
and numbness begins
feelings aren’t essential
but they are nice
why do it now
what was wrong before
didn’t you believe me
I tried I said
I wanted it whole again
it fell apart
and then feel through my fingers
disappearing before it hit the floor
I am a book
with no pages
only blots of ink
and pictures of memories
tear stained paper
but the story isn’t over yet
did you forget Sunday School
no, I don’t remember his name
should it matter
no, I guess you’re right again
can’t I get a clue
is this a rerun or what?
4-23-91
and numbness begins
feelings aren’t essential
but they are nice
why do it now
what was wrong before
didn’t you believe me
I tried I said
I wanted it whole again
it fell apart
and then feel through my fingers
disappearing before it hit the floor
I am a book
with no pages
only blots of ink
and pictures of memories
tear stained paper
but the story isn’t over yet
did you forget Sunday School
no, I don’t remember his name
should it matter
no, I guess you’re right again
can’t I get a clue
is this a rerun or what?
4-23-91
In Everything You Do
I don't know how I'm feeling
so please don't ask right now
my mind is numb of memories
and happiness of all persuasions
I've done all I can do for you
so why don't you ask for more
you can't just walk out of here
unchanged and without remorse
you don't understand the yearning
you can't feel the loss of words
I'm so bundled up inside
there's nothing left to scar
you can't just leave this life alone
you can't be gone like nothing
denial is the only truth I know
forgetting everything I ever learned
in this last moment of our time
expression isn't what ought to be done
3-14-91
so please don't ask right now
my mind is numb of memories
and happiness of all persuasions
I've done all I can do for you
so why don't you ask for more
you can't just walk out of here
unchanged and without remorse
you don't understand the yearning
you can't feel the loss of words
I'm so bundled up inside
there's nothing left to scar
you can't just leave this life alone
you can't be gone like nothing
denial is the only truth I know
forgetting everything I ever learned
in this last moment of our time
expression isn't what ought to be done
3-14-91
Advanced Placement Test
Do you really know?
Or has your conscience
really gone haywire
Is it really so strange?
Or maybe you only wish it were so
Can you say you knew?
When it is done is it really done
You mean to say that
you never asked?
You mean to imply that
it never crossed your mind?
What will you do then?
What is going to save your life?
Did you think Prince Charming
was going to prance right out
of your dreams and rescue you?
Sorry, Babe, it don't work
that way.
3-13-91
Or has your conscience
really gone haywire
Is it really so strange?
Or maybe you only wish it were so
Can you say you knew?
When it is done is it really done
You mean to say that
you never asked?
You mean to imply that
it never crossed your mind?
What will you do then?
What is going to save your life?
Did you think Prince Charming
was going to prance right out
of your dreams and rescue you?
Sorry, Babe, it don't work
that way.
3-13-91
Slate
There is no value left for life
No safe ground of security
Careless feelings of passion
Leading to decisions of hate
No one sees the importance
Of what happens in between
It just happens and ends
No more than yesterday's news
Beginning with a growth
Anger takes over
Blame it, blame someone
I want to be free!
Move on to normal
Forgetting the past
Scars remain forever
Or can you wipe them clean
3-8-91
No safe ground of security
Careless feelings of passion
Leading to decisions of hate
No one sees the importance
Of what happens in between
It just happens and ends
No more than yesterday's news
Beginning with a growth
Anger takes over
Blame it, blame someone
I want to be free!
Move on to normal
Forgetting the past
Scars remain forever
Or can you wipe them clean
3-8-91
Rotary Machine
Make the most of everything
Because you’re running out of time
Passion is deep
When you stand in shallow water.
Demanding answers
From the lies of this world,
You take what you can
Even if it hurts.
Pursuing what money can buy
You get what you ask for.
Never again is sworn
Over an endless amount
Of memories all too familiar.
Fulfilling desires
Sitting side by side,
They all stand tall on cardboard boxes
Ten cents a dozen
Os this your example
Of living life to the fullest.
1-26-91
Because you’re running out of time
Passion is deep
When you stand in shallow water.
Demanding answers
From the lies of this world,
You take what you can
Even if it hurts.
Pursuing what money can buy
You get what you ask for.
Never again is sworn
Over an endless amount
Of memories all too familiar.
Fulfilling desires
Sitting side by side,
They all stand tall on cardboard boxes
Ten cents a dozen
Os this your example
Of living life to the fullest.
1-26-91
The Ambulance Song
red room, red room
home of the dead room
flashing lights
under stars so bright
crash boom, smash boom
now i am the red room
twirling motions
forever in hate emotions
last stop, fast stop
hurry, before it's over the top
i am the healer
i seize from the life stealer
red room, red room
over death's edge i loom
in anger grasp
all your hopes soon clasp
bright light, red light
it takes over all this night
dying screams that sieve
in the dead room i leave
1991
home of the dead room
flashing lights
under stars so bright
crash boom, smash boom
now i am the red room
twirling motions
forever in hate emotions
last stop, fast stop
hurry, before it's over the top
i am the healer
i seize from the life stealer
red room, red room
over death's edge i loom
in anger grasp
all your hopes soon clasp
bright light, red light
it takes over all this night
dying screams that sieve
in the dead room i leave
1991
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