Moral Box

explain these motivations
tired of waiting
ready as I'll ever be
is there a difference
before or after
the document signed
a promise is as good
as it is kept
not as it is expressed
my moral understanding
pried open like a box
locked and sealed
produced by the company
well thought and well intended
but useless now
can't guarantee forever
even if you follow the instructions
write your own script
after reading countless others
the grounds are there
stick your feet in
then submerge yourself
I am an entrance exam
pass or fail me
you have been tested

8-21-95

In Between Days

it's not a good day
to be a woman
no, it's not that time again
just another day
tricking the complexity
and feeling without motive
third time's a charm
but I lost count
it's not a good day
to want the impossible
stretching arms tire
and brittle hearts break
there is a smile
on my face
if you look real hard
my limits are sliding
but you aren't a catcher
am I alone in this
well, I can take it harder
it's not a good day
to be a wisher
these hopes
these wants
these desires
the reacher is denied
you can count the stars
if you have time
I am counting cracks
mapping across my soul
damn
I have too much free time

8-17-95

My Pathetic Situation

Are you suspecting
I doubt it
As I sit shedding
and drinking
I wonder what
I can do to make
you want me
When I'm missing
no one is looking
so I go unfound
My eyes open
I need a ticket
would you validate
you won't
is there a point
am I transparent
does this mean
we aren't even friends
Damn, I hate pity
my pathetic situation
being fourteen again
Low self image
my words are plain
and boring as hell
You forgot because
it is easy
to not remember
someone as obvious
and desperate
I wish I could
stop trying to give
the benefit of the doubt

8-6-95