Disclaimer (don't take me so seriously)

you wrote about a hummingbird
i would have been moved
if i trusted you a little more
am i really on this side?
what did he say to me?
did it make it any easier?
and you smiled half way
i can picture your face
i'm sorry i don't breath
and think about you now
but i do like your eyes
and the way you exhale
you search for my offerings
as if i'm holding back your rights
i'm not out for promises
i just like you around
go ahead and call her
i might do the same
i'm sorry if i won't posses you
you're not mine
and we hope we can do it
we hope we are above average
below genius
somehow still connected
i tried so many times to be clear
i thought you knew
i sent lots of messages
with with every disclaimer i could attach
you weren't up for reading
i just wanted
shall we go on?
let's be straight
come around sometime
i could use some good company

8-4-97

During Our Absence

I want it all back
I want to play cards all night
I want to sit in the garage
with the radio on
the awful DJ’s, redundant songs
I want a touch of nonsense
I want the interruptions
“Jacob, don’t so that!”
I want midnight shopping
wandering endless aisles
milk, bananas, cereal, bread
I want a long drive
insist that I stay
“Too late alone,” you say
I want to go to the park
let the dog run free
push Serena on the swing
will she love me again?
I want you to call me
I want to know it all
tell me I’m wrong
I’ve never been right once
ask for the details
see through my face
I miss everything
I want it all back

8-97

Original

I hate you in every direction
There, now are you happy?
Hair cuts short
A hundred lies a day
If you go, don’t look at me
He’s new but exciting
You’ve had your pets
My blue veins are growing
It’s getting easier, I swear
My life’s soundtrack is now available
You can hear it if you try
Shhh…
He will call back, you know
Nothing like you
I’m not entirely satisfied
But neither were you
I could be tired
Stop sending me mail
Strictly fiction, I’d appreciate the change
See ya ‘round
Nice knowing you
You don’t deserve an original goodbye

5-7-97

voice power

I’m in love
with your voice
every time
I get hollow
close my eyes
heavy
small army
heated causes
it’s in your head
I know best
I miss you now
sleepy, sleepy slow
you get smarter
so serious
quiet down
I am undone
god, how I fuck it up
make you whine
didn’t mean it
just want to get inside
stop thinking aloud
talk to me
tell me why and how
tell me any which way
yeah, you’re not the first
neither am I
we move on
stop saying words
thousands of hellos
potato chips too crunchy
chocolate pleading bitter
sort of fuzzy boy
shall I be your mother
listen to my world
on my end of the line
you hear different songs
give me everything
I want all
close my eyes
listen
genuine
don’t lie to me
all the time
faceless voice
I could recite
I love it when you call me sweetheart
I could be yours
you could be mine
send me a picture
may I fantasize
we are not mechanical
me and you
it’s flesh
every good thing hurts
do I rationalize bad
twisted? maybe
I only want more of you
look at me tightly
do I mean less than anyone
body goes with soul
we are ego greedy both
isn’t this the only way?

5-97