with all your explanations
you don't fit in every crack
every pain doesn't get a band aid
she is singing
like she is crying
but i am not
hate your every word
all the gestures i justified
seem such a waste
my watch is too tight
and my nails never grow nicely
stupid KIDS
keep hitting and swearing
damage
i am doing fine
don't let the ice cream man come today
he asked
if i wanted a beer
he didn't know
how much i detest
that taste
so i left without saying no
without saying yes
i want to hear your voice
i called up a girl
her brother i met last year
answered the phone once
i don't know why
it is so important now
i liked him vaguely
the way he played
with the younger boys
i know you lied
i heard myself say
that same shit before
"you deserve so much better..."
you got your ideal
you are so selfish
focus on this
i'm still not ready to go
will we go back
or did i fuck up?
will you be impressed really
if i still want you now
if i haven't changed my mind
like you had so much to do
with the choice to begin with
the mail lady is here
i have to go
maybe there is something for me
you have to hope
at least once a day, you know.
5-10-96
