I left California raining.
One thousand miles north,
I rested in the sun's warmth,
stretching to press behind
my heart's unrest-
or better yet-my unwanted pressings.
The wonders of Oregon-
so sweet and untainted,
so many trees,
and every shade of green
I never knew existed.
I meant to search for peace-
I stumbled upon myself,
in the eyes of a man
and the tears of a woman.
I left California raining-
five years too sober,
questioning God
and my purpose in life.
I stretched my feet
and opened my mind.
I have clung to my love's acceptance
for fear of losing my strength.
I am on my own, now.
I saw myself downstairs
hating honesty and truth.
I saw myself in fear
of losing all I had earned.
When she cried, I saw
the part of myself still hurting.
She drank, so I joined her.
I did not give in.
I needed relief.
I found it in myself.
I let down my guard
and took the next step
in searching for truth-
I found freedom.
Will my love understand?
I won't fear to expose-
but will she choose to see?
I left California raining,
my bags packed
and my heart empty.
I came to Oregon in spring,
mixed expectations in hand.
I leave Oregon raining,
no longer afraid to get wet.
I will soak in life as it pours.
I will stand alone-
without fear of expectation.
I am my own, now.
I am my own.
3-30-94
