Color of Love

purpledye hands
you had that morning
the stain of truth
between you and I
restless soul talkedalot
I broke
and wide awake
at four am
we laughed 'till dawn
the earth quaked
held hands we
got lost in the freedom
of our security
don't shave your hair
only I wish I'd asked
if you could stop
two days to motherhood
my fading hope
in everything past us
don't go to Boston
I begged you stay
no, you were gone
before I could give
you gifts from back east
stop growing
stop leaving me
behind in my youth
you let love in
and he carried you
away to ever after
I want to dress up
gothicblackandapathy
you give too much
now to play independent
or carefree-on-my-own girl
no, I was there
I, your laughter and
gliterfunshape friend
listen to me now
I'll catch up soon
and know your nowreality
I'll be in your world
again I'll say we
love like God intends
this bridge of life
will reach again
over shallow waters
on to heavenly heights
we'll stand
together

3-31-93

Story of My Life

I don't feel like
calling my dad
he always wonders
why I don't spend
more time with him
I feel bad-but then
it's one too many
things to feel bad about
I bought another
Beatles album-Rubber Soul
I was born too late
and the boys in the tree house
want to play-but I can't
right now or ever
I need them to love
me or I take it wrong
I need always some-
thing more than what's
around or available
the story of my life
so what's the point?
I guess I can't say
or I might be forced
to explain my answer
and everyone knows
once I get started on
explaining myself-I forget
the point of my answer
I need a job again
I can't help it if
the economy has no
place for the non-skilled
story of my life

3-23-93

Velvet

velvet
you crushed me
I will not stand again
today

velvet
I called you
to run your fingers
across my soft dress
red-like fire

velvet
I hate him
pushing my arms open
I don't want to give
my silk flowers
away

velvet
you see me cry
I broke my silver ring
I want the lights turned on
the smoke and red dim
make me sick

velvet-
green, wide eyed and empty
I pressed my finger to your mouth
fearing your attack
while you slept
I ran wild

velvet
you turned again
taking the rivers with you
the same rivers once held me
from my own destruction
I float down stream
belly to the stars

velvet
keep away
I hate the clove smell
you always leave stained
on my hands
and fingernails
and my dress
and my shoes

velvet
in my room
I can see your face
on every wall and shelf
I kiss you
but I still don't know
I don't know you
and never will

velvet
I will stand again

3-21-93

I Locked The Door

Don't touch me-
your icy hands
chill my body
defenseless.

Invasion of security-
I never wanted this.
Helplessly I lie frozen
in your wintry grasp.

Dark room,
curtains always closed-
you never say a word,
or I just can't hear you
or remember.

Silently, I pray
I can escape this chill-
move on to spring
where flowers bloom
in the warm sun
of broad daylight.

I only know
this eternal winter
and the innocence
that dies here
forever.

So, please,
don't touch me
anymore.

3-14-93

For Jennifer

"Lean on me",
a phrase forgotten
as our boys turn men
and school days
now fill with snot
and Huggies diapers.
I still see you
lying on your lawn,
laughing at tomorrow.
Your grass has dried.
No more water fights,
the black pavement
burning our feet.
Jolt Cola can't bring
back the energy of youth,
but you might laugh-
if you heard me say
that skaters smile sexy.
It was our life, Jen.
Your green eyes
called the boys to slip
slowly into your arms.
We danced to songs
by the Cure in daylight.
"In Between Days"
have passed unnoticed.
"Why Can't I Be You"
I cried-I tried to be.
Thin fingers-so frail,
I feared callous boys
would snap and break
my girl-my best friend-
then. I let you go.
I lost you first
to jealousy and lust.
Such flirtatious eyes,
forest green innocence.
Gold rings on golden skin-
I swear I didn't steal.
I don't know why
you agreed to stick
by me in the end.
So soon, I forgot.
I only saw bikinis
and a hundred plus ten
of your perfect pounds.
I ignored your loyalty.
Kissing freckled face boys,
you invited me
to try out life,
beer and cigarettes
in the beach bathroom.
We spent endless hours
soaking in the sun,
flirting and faking smiles
to countless boys
we had yet to meet.
They caught on
to our scheming
and pushed us hard
against the bedpost
of our fading youth.
We had to choose
to run or to give in.
The sky grew darker
on your dried up grass.
My feet got too hot-
so I ran for my life!
I should have looked
back to see you stayed
behind. My Jennifer,
smile skater style.

3-11-93

the sleeper

you lie in a room
ten by ten
hundred feet squared
in the corner-a bed
sunken mattress
cigarette stains
ashes waiting to fall
you sleep
oh, sleep
my lonely love
in a room
sleep tonight
and every night
soiled floor
soiled clothes
you wore yesterday
still smell of smoke
say always say
you'll quit
broken chair
you never use
I'll fix, love
the windows
are closed
to the world outside
you know too well
sleep long, my love
sleep deep

3-5-93

Happy Drunk

Like the wine I drink,
you quench my need.
From your vine of love
I take my feed.
It's no wonder they say
I'm bound to be spoiled,
when so happily I live
in your branches coiled.
Intoxicated with you,
I'm lost in your trance.
Such a lovely song sung
to a tune that we dance.
In our garden of love,
together our vines twist.
Eternally I will drink
of your heaven like kiss.

3-4-93