Need To Impress

nothing more
than to impress you
all I attempt
is your approval
you're not looking
as I perform
this well written scene
have you not
an idea of my demise
you're so there
and I'm so here
be myself, I'm told
but there is so
much more to me
than I am able to show
every moment spent
can't do too much
can't do enough
there is a door
to my soul-I'd allow
you to enter
even if you don't want
to pay the toll
it's just an offer
of love and sorrow
somehow I know
you'd understand
it doesn't have to mean
anymore than this
need to impress
will you please
look at me now

10-31-95

The Five Millionth Poem To You

No lie-I can say
You are my favorite theme
Our conversations
My hopes, your dreams
I'll hate you with a passion
I'll twist you into shape
Just how I need you to be
My greatest fears
And highest aspirations
End up here in you
Maybe I don't know
Or you're my oldest friend
Maybe I need you
In ways I must explain
Each way is the same
When it comes to the pen
My favorite idea
My topic of choice
I think about you all the time
It seem my world
Consists of only two
My favorite conversation

10-31-95

Take Me, I'm Yours

take me wrong
go ahead
you're dying to do it
wrap me up
in your prepackaged ideas
standing target
for the lies
you need to prove
I can't be
just who I am
to you
take me wrong
do not justify
take me through
your wild imagination
no time for truth
your agenda is full
never stop
think about possibilities
take me right
without scandal
but you are far below that
take me wrong
go on, you're dying
just do it

10-17-95

David & Jamie

Missing my boys-
David and Jamie.
A loyalty come by surprise.
Hoping to impress-
take them out late
very late
at night.
Blue moon
...light on the water,
pretending
strut them like a prize.
How could I resist
a crush-
Passionate boy full
to the top
wild life, a man of means,
too serious-too young(I still won't tell)
he surrounds himself with photographs
my face on his guitar
how could I love you more?
My boys-rent-a-date
the fatal combination
we share life and cigarettes
debate the rumors
of a Denny's daymenu.
Again I fell
infatuated with
animated boy-could charm the fire's of hell
with his gentle eyes
and smile larger than life itself.
Fearless boy would climb a mountain
just to get a laugh
such innocence and depth
I know lies behind his wall
of smart-ass remarks. (Thank you for being faithful,
even if you forgot.)
My boys, you took me in
with your open arms.
I didn't know.
I thought I was the one always knocking
two blocks down-waiting
hoping you'd come out.
Let's go for a drive-
Utah-Colorado?
Seattle, Washington state.
We'll turn the radio up
roll the windows down-
the world is at our feet.
The night is always young,
my favorite boys,
and so are we.

10-10-95

Just Cause

why am I still reaching
so used to reaching
I forgot
so sorry
I forgot why I hold on
with all my might
my perfect intentions
this will last forever
but then again
I lost something
sometime ago...
I wish I knew
what I am fighting for
embraced so hard
this frail cause
and we sit silent
on the telephone
I hear the same words
as nineteen eighty-nine
I've made too many promises
paved great loyalties
but we have to hang up
sooner or later
but the thought holds on
that we will never fade
but we elude ourselves
by the miles and years
out growing our memories
we can make it forever
but what, after all
do we have to make

10-9-95