Blood Privilege

Madness grips
    your blacked heart,
    consumed with desperation.
Your only outlet
  is your body
     upon which you shred
         every time the day grows heavy.
Turn your confusion
    into anger and force.
Take it out on yourself.
Your body is your own,
                right?
You weak helpless fool,
   a knife slices
      into your persistent pain.
Failure sinks deep
    into every bleeding crevice.
I know your thirst for power.
Control comes through a fist
    in a wall.
I see it in your eyes.
How can the world lie?
It screams your story
      of frustration.
How simply they can walk blindfolded
   but I see
       and I fear
           that untamed monster
                hiding behind your defiant eyes.
Your mind worked
    like a  racehorse.
Your thoughts dove so deep,
    you are drowning.
And you ask no one
   to clench your broken hands
   and pull you to shore.
Every drop of blood
    that drips from your skin
  is your pain
        your hate
           your anger
              your confusion
  and your sober choice.
Your body is your own
    God given right.
Right?
 
6-20-1992

Upside Down

I don't know about tomorrow,
but today just slipped
through my fingers.
I'm always dreaming
of a perfect yesterday.
Right now I want to know
which way is the sky
and which way is below.
I keep my head straight,
but the world keeps spinning
around
and around
and around.
My mind is a blur
and memories are windows
to dreams and experience,
both of which have left me
dry and alone.
My heart cries, "Holy One!"
and my body wants to die.
I didn't ask for this masquerade
or anyone that loved me.
I just wanted an ocean
to fly above and to dive into,
to know where angels slept
and called themselves unworthy.
My heart just explodes
every time I think of you.

6-15-92

Forget It

Don't make me look at you-
I'm afraid of your eyes
pleading softly,
"Care for me."
I can't.
You're dangerous
like the edge of the jagged cliffs.
You don't know me-
you're not my kind.
How could I love
one who could hate
the Light inside of me
pleading, "Believe in Me."
You won't.
Let go of me-
and free my aching heart.
Why do I care at all?
Whatever.

6-11-92

Mystery Tour

I want to curse at confusion
and spit in the eyes of lies.

My screaming heart
can’t see through the pitch blackness
of this misguided tour.
Honesty lies somewhere
between my dreams and wishes.
Reality knows no such resident.

Can the aching
of my love for truth
ever be quenched?
Will I forever be damned
to these twisted halls
of frustration?
Will my hands
ever be washed clean
from the excrement
you heartlessly cram
down my throat?

All I ever wanted
was to know in my heart
the song of purity
and untainted reality.

Is there ever such a thing
as a key to unlock
the mystery of the ages?

6-9-92

My Discovery

He thrusts into my barricade
of naiveté,
the walls crumble
down like my tears.

They said there is something
I’m hiding from them-
No kidding.
Like I’d ever tell them
anything at all…

I locked the door-
Is that wrong?
I know monsters lie
under beds
where little girls
dreams peacefully.

They said I have potential
for a very successful career-
In what?
Exploiting my fears
for uncaring vultures
to prey upon?

I’d rather die in tragedy
than to give to them
what secrets quiver
in my blackened room.

Truth is like sex-
you don’t share with everyone.

6-1-92