Well Deserved (for Dave)

I deserve to hate you,
and your nervous laughter,
the way you would pat my shoulder,
and roll your eyes
when you smiled.
I deserve to hate you
because you took me to Mammoth
and Yosemite Park.
You bought me clothes,
you bought me glasses,
and played guitar.
I deserve to hate you
because of the silver bracelet
you gave me with your name
inscribed in bold letters.
I deserve to hate you
because the last birthday card
you gave said
if I was up ate eight a.m.
you would take me to breakfast.
I slept in
because you never asked
me to love you,
but I did.
all to reach the point
of calling you my father.
I did and thanked God
for bringing you in my life.
I accepted you
and you imperfections.
I learned to give you respect.
I thought it was enough.
I wanted to need you
so I did.
And when I needed you to need me,
you walked out the door untouched.
I deserve to hate you
because it was all a waste of time.

5-11-93