I am almost ready
to be over this
I am almost ready
to see you clear
that you were never really
good enough for me
I am almost ready
to pick up the pieces
I set aside
connect those dots
to pull the curtains open
to rip off the bed sheets
flip all the light switches
call you on your bullshit
see you small
and entirely pathetic
this lost puppy
is finding a new home
so you can keep that
old bitch who returned
I will not be laying
outside your door
I am almost ready
to tell you I'm too busy
I don't have time for
this fucked up game
and I'm tossing out
all the possible scenarios
of your apology
of your seduction
of your returning
I'm done with it
I'm almost ready
I am.
3-17-13
these roots live buried dark beneath two decades of time dormant in silence straining to hear the echoes of past revelations wishing to grow cradled warm in soil heavy with countless memories it is cracking these roots starve, withering in the slow drought praying for rain eager for a deluge of attention, flooding interest abundance once known anxious to again be nurtured, fertilized with trust strong as before they had grown unexpectedly, burrowing deep with ease weathering the tempests confident in their invincible nature, they vowed immortality yet they faltered stretched taut in opposite directions, no longer inseparable still they hope they cling waiting for their demise or resurrection striving toward light unwilling to accept that forever is already here these roots live
Once we were angry youth shaved heads and colored hair When I saw you were tragic I adhered to you So many secrets to keep so much truth to grasp We made honest promises and everything we felt it was sacred Velvet capes and monkey boots it was The Cure and L.S.U. Music sang so many things we knew them all by heart We sat against the stereo volume up high as if to absorb it inhale its passion the truth of it all was in guitar strings and piano keys I was anchored to you in the hurricane of our youth We outlasted the storm and the years became memories and miles grew between us You and I got regular haircuts and wore practical shoes Always and always I swore to keep us tied I'd be that solid girl who cleaned up after those natural disasters But the tides have changed and it's you who set sail you pulled up the anchor and I am untethered The current and our priorities the list of things we hold as true are no longer matched Faithful wife of twenty years I am still living alone mother of teenagers I am the mother of none woman of the God I no longer believe in I know it was only loyalty that tied us still You hardly listen to music and the song in my heart is the saddest melody I release you-though you've been gone We are no longer angry youth Will you return on another tide Will time rise and fall like the ocean waves Will the anchors never sink in the same deep waters I am drifting out far I know I can swim But you were the only one who knew the beginning and the end long letters in pen and phone calls salsa and bookstores at midnight long drives to nowhere for the sake of the songs on the stereo and the promises and the secrets we have none left to keep
