When I Leave Los Angeles…

I will feel jealous of the aunts and uncles

that will get to see Joshua every week,
and see him grow, and watch him learn,
and hear him quote lines he does not understand.
Sure, he’ll come and visit me
and remember my name on holidays and nightly prayers,
but he’ll forget why I was his favorite aunt until age five,
how we used to dance to 80’s music in my living room,
how we drove to the pier and ate fried clams,
how I loved to hold him while he slept,
and protect him from jumping dogs

that didn’t mean to push him on his rear.

He’ll begin school in fall and forget
to wonder how long it’s been since
he came to my house to pet me cat.
On holidays, he’ll begin to have memories

of traveling to far away places

where I hug him tight and tell him how much he’s grown.

He may get tired of my kisses and forget

how he spent long afternoons walking in parks

and watering my front lawn. Someday he’ll visit

and meet cousins he’ll be too old to play with.
The years will pass and he’ll visit less,
until I am a memory in photographs
and a name on the family tree, “Aunt Sarah.”
He will not remember how I loved him like my own

or how my heart burst with joy when from his car seat

in the back of my car he sighed, “You know what?

I love you Auntie Sarah.”

1-20-01