I feel angry today
because I just shaved my legs
because it changes nothing
your words are still swarming
my head aching
you said “don’t get all sad”
and I laugh
you put yourself on a petalstool
I wasn’t around
I was alone thinking
about anything but you
I almost forgot
until you showed up
friendly smiling loud
hearty handshake
you had to ask
I had to walk away
ended up in the front seat
waste of time
your voice resounding
in between the windows
it wasn’t turning me on
you drove me home
you never understand
how me and irony are
you were hoping
I could tell I’d let you down
and then you flooded me
with your version of honesty
I knew then I’d lost you
(I thought you’d get it
I thought you knew somehow)
the more you spoke the less I cared
so I made you what you wanted
I made you meaningless
a body and a face
my tongue in your mouth
maybe I could just consume you
like an ice cream cone
swallow you whole
it meant nothing
me and you pursuing
hands and legs
my knees turned you on
I had never noticed
that you have nice lips
we were in motion without a thought
but that’s where you went wrong
it’s too late for you now
thoughtless and objectified
it works, but not for me
I am not angry
at you wanting me
just that it’s the only thing
you want from me
my head is still swarming
I’ll go on, I swear
another day
wading in the shallows
when I so want to swim in deep warm waters
deafening and dark drowning in beauty
it’s too late for you now
6-11-99
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